Forrest Gump Explains Mortgage-Backed Securities

O. Max Gardner, III, one of (if not the) premier consumer bankruptcy lawyers in the country apparently spoke with Forrest Gump recently and got the following explanation of the mortgage mess:

Mortgage Backed Securities are like boxes of chocolates. The criminals on Wall Street stole several chocolates from the boxes and replaced them with turds that looked liked chocolates. Their criminal buddies at Standard & Poors, Moodys, and Fitch rated these boxes AAA Investment Grade gourmet chocolates, fit for a king so they could obtain the highest price and worldwide distribution. The boxes were then sold all over the world to investors and kings who loved gourmet chocolate. Eventually while eating their gourmet chocolates, the Kings and investors picked a “chocolate” out of the box to eat; bit into the chocolate and discovered it was a turd instead of a gourmet chocolate and thus, the fraud is exposed! Word spreads fast amongst the world’s kings and investors who enjoy gourmet chocolates and suddenly no chocolate lover, loves or trusts American chocolates anymore around the world or wants to buy a box of American chocolate. The fear of eating turds spreads to Belgian and Swiss chocolates too. No one wants to eat turds! Suddenly, there is no market for gourmet chocolates and the fear spreads to chocolate milk, covered strawberries, and anything mixed with or made of chocolate!

Hank Paulson now wants the American taxpayers to buy up and hold all of the boxes of the turd-infested chocolates for $700 billion dollars until the worldwide market for chocolates return to normal. Yet, the turds are still in the boxes waiting for someone to bite into them again. Meanwhile, Hank’s buddies who helped him make a billion dollars on turd infested boxes of gourmet chocolates, the Wall Street criminals who stole all the good chocolates, are not being investigated, arrested, or indicted.

Forrest’s Mama always said: “Sniff the chocolates first, Forrest”.